FogHorn January  4, 2018  - DAVID B FELDMAN PhD - GROUNDED HOPE 

He described the figurative journey he undertook with co-author Lee Daniel Kravetz, interviewing trauma survivors about their progression from despair to triumph, as he researched human resilience in the face of trauma. He gave an example: a 29-year-old woman named Asha Mevlana, who lived a privileged but largely uneventful life in Soho until she discovered a lump in one breast that proved to be a particularly virulent form of cancer. She underwent successful treatment, and later identified her worst moment as not diagnosis, chemotherapy, hair loss nor nausea, but being told the treatment worked and she could return to "normal" life. She tried to resume caring about the everyday things that had made up that life, but those things all seemed empty now. 
So she resolved to change her life. She started small, Dave said, with music lessons, leading to her mastering improvisation on electric violin. Her teacher, she said, urged her to "use the instrument to give voice to her pain." She said her playing started ugly, not musical at all, but soon it began to inspire her. 
She went on to perform with rock bands in L.A., where she had moved without a fixed plan. Then her violin was damaged so she went to a music store for repairs, where she learned that Dee Snider, lead singer of Twisted Sister, was auditioning electric violinists. She did audition, was accepted, and wound up touring with Snider. Later she played with Alanis Morissette and, by 2009, for the American Idol band and The Tonight Show. 
But, said Dave, she was not alone in her story.
Sixty to eighty percent of us, he said, will suffer some form of significant trauma. He spoke of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD,) describing it as a serious condition but adding that actually only about 17 percent of people who have been traumatized end up dealing with PTSD. He asked listeners to think of that in terms of human resilience -- people bounce back, he said. Statistically, he added, seventy to eighty percent of those who have been traumatized say that they have grown from the experience -- emerged with new goals or deepened spirituality, what Dave termed "post-traumatic growth." Some, he said, respond with major changes as Asha did, having moved to the other side of the United States. He showed a photograph of her taken right after her cancer treatment, with sparkling eyes and a vibrant smile despite her hair being gone due to chemotherapy.
Dave then made two points. One is that trauma is sometimes seen as a good thing. No, he said -- instead of celebrating trauma, one should celebrate the power of the human spirit. Secondly, he said, sometimes there is an assumption that if a person who is traumatized does not grow, there must be something wrong with them. He did not believe that, he said, noting that simply surviving any kind of trauma is itself noteworthy.
In the  course of interviewing trauma survivors for the book, he said, he had come to identify seven principles of survival. 
He told the story of Alan Lock, a young man who reached his goal of serving in the British Royal Navy by 25. Then one day he suffered from blurred vision, which was diagnosed as macular degeneration. He became legally blind, which led to the end of his naval service. But in time he made record-setting achievements, as the first blind person to row across the Atlantic Ocean  and trek across Antarctica, which brought him a Guinness world record. 
When asked about his remarkable achievements, he noted that many might find his response unexpected: there is a "positive thinking" movement now that thoughts shape reality, or if you think positively good things happen. Lock noted that he did not find the  ideal of "positive thinking" particularly helpful for two reasons. First, when one  has encountered trauma, it is not natural to think cheerfully, and in fact it can lead to feelings of alienation. Secondly, if one accepts the idea that thoughts create or affect reality, it is from there a short step to self-blame if positive results do not happen. That positive thinking shapes reality is not necessarily scientifically substantiated, said Dave. 
What helps in the case of "supersurvivors," Dave said, is realistic  thinking, which research has shown to be effective. Lock has pointed out, he said, that realistic does not mean cynical. Dave added that a strong component  of realistic thinking is "grounded hope," or grounding oneself in realistic understanding of life situations. Accept and move on with life, he said; "this is my life, what am I gonna do?"
Hope  also includes asking questions such as what to do now to build the best life one can? 
The message for us, Dave  said, is that it is a gift to be realistic, to see what's going on and ask, what now? In the midst of suffering there is hope that the future  will be better.  He also noted the importance of faith and forgiveness.